It's come to an end.
I sit on his bed typing these words as
he sorts through clothes and shoes and memories.
We've agreed this last week (this whole
month actually), we will stay close, no phones or emails are allowed
to enter in to these last days together. All families have to say
goodbye – goodbye is a part of hello – hello can only come after
someone has said goodbye --- hellos matter --- but goodbyes do too.
Even when this youngest born son came
to my arms those 22 years ago ---- somewhere in my heart i knew ---
the Creator had likely hesitated as Heaven whispered goodbye to him.
We can't be in Heaven and on earth at the same time.
And with the goodbye looming on our
horizon, this Christmas i saw things in a different way.
Always and Forever we rejoice over the
birth of the baby Jesus, the Prince of Peace, the One who willingly
came to pay for our sins and show us the way of love. Christmas is a
joyous time because it applauds the moment the Savior was willing to
breathe air beside us.
But this Christmas i allowed my heart
to feel the heart of the Father God – the “parent” of the One
who would become God wrapped in flesh. For Jesus to be born of a
virgin --- He had to step away for the arms of Heaven.
Did our Abba grieve over the step His
Son took when earth received a babe born in a manger and the space
beside Him in Heaven was silently vacant for the next 33 years?
This Christmas --- i was silent as i
allowed myself to love my Father more deeply than ever --- asking Him
to allow me to scoot up close beside Him ----- and cry ------ over
the space He undoubtedly felt. In the “seeing” what i had not
fully opened my eyes to before, something new slid into my heart...
He released His Son on Christmas
morning into the hands of the unable and unworthy ----- for one
reason alone. HIS LOVE.
He released what was His greatest
treasure ----- because of His real love for those He would adopt into
His fold.
Christmas is a time we celebrate with
colorful lights, evergreen trees, carefully wrapped presents, and
tables overflowing.
For me, this year, i allowed myself to
weep over The Gift ----- that could only be ours because the Father
gave Him up.
Now ---
my dear son is not the Christ child
----- and i am not the Father.
But we are all made in His image, and
He feels as we feel.
So this Christmas season, i've learned
something new.
Because of love for another ----- we
have been taught to release what we love most.
Our Yahweh taught it to us --- He did
it for us.
And in the moments when we surrender
what we love so dearly ---- our Abba meets us there. He's the perfect
fit for the hole left inside. He knows what He is doing --- He knows.
So as i watch him pack, and we talk
over the details of the next few days, i write.
And i want to share with you the
amazing ways we have chosen to “paint the caboose” of his days
beside us here in Kenya.
To tell it rightly, we must go back 12
years.
When Peter was 10 years old, Steve and
i made a decision that was perhaps one of our best parenting moves
ever. We wanted to give each of our children a special gift that
would allow us time to invest in them personally. So as each of our
children graduated from high school, we invited them on a “dream
trip”. Rather than them heading to the beach with friends, we
wanted to personally escort them from their childhood days and into
the first steps of their future.
So when Peter was 10 years old, we
began saving a small amount each month, preparing for the trip he
would receive. We did the same for each of our 3 children.
Our oldest son Michael enjoyed a week
in Scotland with his dad for his “senior trip”. Our daughter
Maggie and i traveled for two weeks covering 3,000 miles from
Yellowstone Park to the Grand Canyon for her “senior trip”.
Peter had always dreamed of going to
Australia --- specifically, he wanted to go cage diving with great
white sharks. What!!! Yes – that's just what his giddy-up looks
like. :)
But when Peter was graduating High
School, we were deep in the throws of selling our home and all that
we owned, preparing to move to the mission field. We sat with him
tearfully during those strained days and asked him to give us time...
his father could not step away at that time to enjoy a special trip
with him. With much grace (yes, even an 18 year old son can give
beautiful grace), he said he completely understood, and that even if
he was 30 years old before it happened, he knew, someday it would
happen.
Now we sit over three years later and
prepare to say goodbye to him. In four short days he will board a
plane and fly home to America. We will remain here and continue in
the work we are called to.
For all these years, we've held the
money we had saved for his “senior trip”, wondering when we could
bless him, how it would work.
Well ---- our hearts could not bear to
watch him go without somehow showing him our love and gratitude over
his willingness to wait ---- and even beyond that ---- his eagerness
to support and love us as our calling has changed his world
completely. He's not complained the first time --- but instead he's
made the most of it. He's grown beautifully in ways that we don't
believe he could have grown in our safe little haven on Mockingbird
Road. He knows what it is to be the major minority. He knows how it
feels to be discriminated against. He also knows what it feels like
to know God is near and protecting and guiding and “speaking”. He
knows what lonely tastes like, and he knows how God shows up with a
feast in those moments. He has grown.
We are so thankful.
After much prayer, and some help from a
dear friend --- we decided to surprise Peter and give him his “senior
trip” before he returned home.
We couldn't swing Australia (round trip
flights from Nairobi to Sydney are a whopping $2000pp), but we could
still make shark-cage-diving with great whites become a reality for
this last born one who drinks adventure in like it's morning coffee.
So on December 14th, imagine
our JOY as cashed in the “senior trip” savings and boarded a
flight to Cape Town, South Africa. It's arguably proclaimed the best
place on earth to share smiles with the great whites. For 3 days and
nights, the 3 of us celebrated Peter's high school graduation --- 3
years late. But IT HAPPENED!!!
While i perched myself on the top deck
of the dive boat, father and son donned their dive suits and entered
the cage. It wasn't Australia, someday that might happen, but it was
the perfect way to say “Congratulations Peter” for high school
graduation, and for working hard to make a success of your years in
Kenya.
God gave us 3 perfect days.
And since He is the One who made the
great whites, He proved His authority over them as He brought them to
us, and they showed off.
It was a dream trip.
We'll never forget the moments of awe
and laughter and even though there was a sprinkling of tears in the
ticking away of our minutes together ----- what a gift to share such
moments together.
We sat beside each other on the rocky
shores of the Cape of Good Hope, we climbed the stairs to the
lighthouse on the cliff at the southwestern most shoreline of Africa,
we looked out at the waves and knew ------ the One who controlled the
rolling waters before us was in complete control of our lives, and
peace washed over us.
Flying back to Kenya we couldn't stop
smiling. That even though our lives have changed in ways we never
could have predicted, we had still been allowed to enjoy a feast of
moments with one another and accomplish something we'd dreamed of for
over a decade with our last-born-treasure.
But the days of December were not
finished with us ---- and we still ached to make the most of every
minute of these last few days.
One week later it would be Christmas
day. Living in Kenya, we have learned, there are few things we can
“buy” and give as gifts. We've been blessed all our lives to have
all we need, so for us, Christmas in Kenya is more than ever before a
time to look at those around us and g-i-v-e.
Our little 3 foot tall Christmas tree
held no gifts underneath, we needed nothing we did not already have,
and the day means so much more than ever before. We did finally slide
a few sweet presents under our tree – for the children who live two
doors down and our dear Eve and her children.
We talked together of Christmas and
decided that again this year we would give memories instead of gifts
to each other. We have not given Christmas presents to each other
since Mockingbird Road.
Being away from “home” at Christmas
time is challenging for our hearts. We miss being with family, seeing
friends, eating the wonderful foods of the holidays, and counting
twinkling Christmas lights as we drive at night. Cold weather with
warm scarves and steaming drinks in shivering hands. Christmas music
played while cookie smells fill the house...
well... we had it so good for so many
years. Memories fill our hearts --- and who wouldn't miss being in
those kind of beautiful places. So --- for us --- we've learned, we
need to do something “different” at Christmas time, if we don't,
we set ourselves up for sadness.
So we packed ourselves up and for 3
days we visited Tsavo National Park on the western side of Nairobi.
We've always wanted to visit this special park, where Mzima springs
flow and extra big lions with no manes roam.
We drove our Lori-car
the 6 hour drive and spent 3 days looking at what God had made and
was now willing to share with us.
We visited the famous Tsavo bridge
that Colonel Patterson built for the British in the late 1800's,
where two man-eating lions terrorized his camp of workers and in the
end killed over 100 men, reportedly eating over 30 of their victims.
We stood in front of the cave where those monstrous, mane-less
killers stashed the bones of their victims.
Colonel Patterson killed
both of the man-eaters who are now stuffed and on display at the
Chicago Field Museum. We stood on their still present trails and took
pictures at the mouth of their lair. The true story of the man-eating
lions of Tsavo was portrayed in the movie, “The Ghost and the
Darkness”. It was creepy ----- but also exciting. We love visiting
places where history books hold true stories of living --- especially
when good won over evil.
(As i share of our special month of
travels ---- please know this, not a dime of ministry money was spent
for one minute of either of these special December trips. When so
many support our ministry work here, we feel compelled to be sure you
know this.)
He's just finished packing his second
bag.
It's really happening.
And we will find ourselves living on
the other side of the world from each and every treasure of our
hearts (except for the gift of each other).
How honored we are to be allowed to
serve our Abba and minister to marriages, to pastors, to hurting
women, to wounded homes. Each and every day we begin it by asking ---
“Use us Lord, we are yours.” We are humbled that He is willing
to let His truth and love flow threw us --- cracked vessels that we
are. It's proof of His great God-ness --- if He were not GOD, we
could do nothing.
And each day we work to remain diligent
in our eagerness to obey Him and serve others.
Keeping our chins up and our hearts
true (Kweli Moyo) --- we do the best we can to submit and stay.
But there are those moments when our
hearts melt ---
and in truth we can only say ----
it is ever-so-hard to say ----
goodbye----NO – not goodbye ---
rather --- we say --- see you later son
we will see you soon son ----
we will see you again ----
oh how we do love you -----
my heart swelled and my eyes welled as i read what i already knew...that you had an amazing time together but must now swallow the hard part. i understand, mama, and i've been praying for all three of you. He knows--oh how i loved this part of this post--and He will not leave you alone in your grief. Peter will never leave your heart, and you have assurance that He is in the Father's hands. i don't know how else you can live. love you, dearheart! hugs and tears...
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