It's 4 am, the morning of the day we
fly “home” to America. The need for a solid night's sleep before
24 hours of travel is crucial. But the body's rest passed quickly as
the mind's workings would not stop. I've prayed, and pondered
scripture; i've scolded worry and tried to drive it away. Have i
remembered everything i need to carry back home? And, all the details
of leaving our home here for 3 months... are all those details in
order? And prayers, prayers for the many i carry in my heart ----
those prayers can roll into worry if i'm not very attentive to
controlling my thoughts. Do your thoughts run out of control in those
early-morning-wrestlings too? Sometimes it's best to just leave the
horizontal and “stand”.
I'm not... worried...
truly --- i've wrestled it out enough
to see it's not worry that's robbed me of sleep.
Rather, it's the whirl of soooooooo
many emotions.
Thankfulness is at the top, right on
it's heals comes a sense of unworthiness and inability. So i'm
stopping that flow by going vertical under the stars. Even the birds
outside my window are not ready to start singing this morning --- i
can sense them squinting out of one barely opened little eye
wondering what their mzungu is doing up so early.
So i make a cup of java (coffee), and
thankfulness whispers Jenn's name to me, she's the friend who fills
my cup with VIA. I pour the warm “good morning” in my beautiful
cup, and thankfulness whispers Maggie and Ray to me, they sent me the
cup for mother's day last year. I sit down to read from those much
wiser than me, and thankfulness whispers Byrdie's name to me, she
gave me the devotional book 14 years ago. And i wrap a soft, green
blanket round my chilled self as thankfulness whispers my
sister-in-love's name to me, Ann gave me the blanket many Christmas's
ago. (or was it my mother-in-love, Mary, ah, they've both been so
good to me...)
I pick up my Bible, i bought it from
Angie at Heavenly Dove, she engraved my name on the front.
Thankfulness brings tears as i run my fingers over the bronze
lettering, and i sit my cup beside my journal, Denise made sure i had
a special journal.
Oh Lord, is it possible to be
overwhelmed with too much good?...?...?
...and... may i never, ever again
overlook the smallest of gifts ---- i have a table to sit at, a chair
under me, food will fill the table, and a fork will be in my hand.
I'm spoiled beyond reason because i'll have another cup of coffee and
a napkin will wipe my lips...
Oh Lord, there are too many who will
have NONE of the things listed in my last gush of words.
I'll do the part i can to bless their
lives ----- but first i'll control my heart and head to be grateful.
Nothing good comes on it's own. Nothing good is free.
Everything good comes from Your hand
Abba. Everything good has been paid for by s-o-m-e-o-n-e. The secular
world would say, “Yea, your friends and family pay for what you
enjoy...” But my heart cries out meekly, “It was Jesus who first
paid ALL, and now HE let's His goodness flow through them, and i'm
stunned at the doubling flow of it all...”
My first waking thoughts (about 2 hours
ago), were of my parents.
That's common for me, i think of them
and the many i love when my eyes first open.
I'll get to see them again in about 36
hours. Oh my heart...
(...and my fingers can not resist the
sharing that comes below --- my parent's usually want their goodness
kept private, but today mom and dad, i simply must share of it...)
Last week my first-born-son had a
wreck. It was a rainy day on an unfamiliar road. He looked down at
his GPS for just a second to get clarity on his next turn. The car in
front of him stopped abruptly... Mike did not stop as quickly...
airbags deployed, scrapes came, metal bent wrong, sirens screamed.
Three cars were involved ----- no one
was seriously injured. Thankfulness brings tears again even as i
type.
Mike was the only one scraped up a bit,
but no hospital was needed.
Police were gracious as they did their
job --- Oh GOD, thank you for good police officers – there are so
many who are good.
Mike's first phone call ------ was to
his Papa and Nana.
My parents.
And while Nana prayed, Papa went
straight to him.
Straight to him... prayers...
presence... the gift of “you---are---not----alone” flooded 'round
my son.
Mike texted us, we called him
immediately.
We could not be there ---- but we were
not needed to be there ---- God had other plans ---- and they
were/are good.
What followed was beautiful. Papa and
Mike together attended to the necessaries that follow a wreck, and
then made their way home to Nana.
Mike's words later filled the air with
such goodness when he said, “Mom, i was feeling so down over the
mess of it all, but when i saw Papa's face and when i walked in their
house, i felt so much love. And while Nana doted over my small
scrapes, i wondered if they both knew how thankful i was for them.”
Nana and Papa have a mission field of
their own --- right there on Castleberry Road in Cumming, Georgia.
It's about loving well and leaving a legacy to their kids and
grandkids and any who come near them.
It's about showing love to others ---
HIS love flowing through them.
That is THE mission field.
His sister, Maggie, came by to check on
him. Sisters care.
Then my sister, Kathy, came by to
double check everything. She texted to reassure me his injuries were
minor and all was well.
Two more on THE mission field...
Later that night i ached over not being
able to be there, struggled over not getting to be a part of the
love-flow-in-person. Worried over the thought that my parents were
doing what i felt i should be doing ---- taking care of and
supporting my son... ya' know the accuser of our souls isn't going to
let it pass by without trying to wound.
So i prayed --- thankfulness ---- and
then asked for my Father to tend to the lies of the accuser.
And His words flowed into my heart ---
“my little donna, you do worry too
much sometimes. And while I tell you and all my children not to
worry, I also understand that in this world there will be troubles
that can make you worry and bring you down... on your way down, come
all the way down to your knees, I'll meet you right there, and cover
you with my Grace. You know... my Grace is sufficient, it's enough,
it's what is needed, and it defeats the lies of worry, if you'll let
it, it's what I want. Listen to me daughter... I, God, have placed
you where you are. You are to obey Me and serve ME in the place I put
you. The accuser is a liar... you are wise to always remember that he
lies each time he opens his cracked-evil-crusted lips. You are not a
bad mother and your parents are not being over-taxed as they care for
your son. Don't forget ---- he is their grandson, their blood is in
his veins, and they are even now doing MY good work in the place I
have put their feet. They are my servants, they are well-suited to
serve ME in this beautiful way. What they are doing for Michael is
pleasing to Me, and I, GOD, will bless them for letting my love flow
through them. So donna, don't let “self” get in the way here. You
do what I've called you to do each and every day ---- and you let
others do what I've called them to do. Today, Mike didn't “need”
y-o-u. Today, Mike needed ME, God. And I WILL CHOOSE who I use to
flow through today, tomorrow, and the day after that. You,
momma-to-Mike, are not “needed” ---- I, God, AM NEEDED. Always
remember that donna ----- never forget. No one needs “you”,
everyone NEEDS ME. And I will be found ministering to those who call
on Me, sometimes through parents, sometimes through grandparents,
sometimes through aunts or uncles or sisters or brothers or
strangers. But always --- always ---- always ---- it will be ME
choreographing my love flow. So donna, don't get discouraged when I
ask you to flow in one direction but you'd rather get to flow in
another. I know what is best. I promise, I always work to do what is
best for My children. And one last very important point to remember
daughter ---- if you had been there, then Mike would have missed
something very important today. He would have missed the tripled
portions of love he felt flowing through his grandparents, his
sister, his aunt... you see, if you had been there donna, you would
have stepped in and taken care of things --- and the single love flow
would have seemed like enough. But that's not how I do things donna.
I'm the One who gives generously ---- in double portions. Today I
called on your parents to work for Me, I also called on you to work
for Me, but in another place. Don't doubt Me, don't question My
plans, I am God, I am to be obeyed and trusted and revered and
honored.
Thank ME for your good parents.
Thank ME for the protection that
surrounded Mike.
Thank your parents for loving ME enough
to do my good work ---- right there at home.
It's part of their mission field.
Not yours...
And -------- I cover all.”
And peace... comes... down.
“Hebrews 10:38, The just shall live
by faith...”
When I can not enjoy the faith of
assurance, I live by the faith of adherence. (Matthew Henry)
...and then i find myself back on the
solid ground of gratitude.
Gratitude that many are called to do
God's good work, and many are busy at it. It's weak emotions to bemoan
where we serve --- faith calls us to fly above the
fowler's snare, his snares can too easily capture us if we fly too
low. Faith says, trust God, obey Him.
The sun is beginning to peek through
the acacia trees now. The birds are waking and singing. I'll finish
packing, walk to the lake, and thank the One who is gracious enough
to let us go home for a visit.
...and i'll hug that son and daughter
long, and thank my parents for much...
©2015 donnataylor-ReachingfortheRobe
©2015 donnataylor-ReachingfortheRobe