Saturday, April 18, 2015

Today's to-do --- FLY HOME

It's 4 am, the morning of the day we fly “home” to America. The need for a solid night's sleep before 24 hours of travel is crucial. But the body's rest passed quickly as the mind's workings would not stop. I've prayed, and pondered scripture; i've scolded worry and tried to drive it away. Have i remembered everything i need to carry back home? And, all the details of leaving our home here for 3 months... are all those details in order? And prayers, prayers for the many i carry in my heart ---- those prayers can roll into worry if i'm not very attentive to controlling my thoughts. Do your thoughts run out of control in those early-morning-wrestlings too? Sometimes it's best to just leave the horizontal and “stand”.
I'm not... worried...
truly --- i've wrestled it out enough to see it's not worry that's robbed me of sleep.
Rather, it's the whirl of soooooooo many emotions.

Thankfulness is at the top, right on it's heals comes a sense of unworthiness and inability. So i'm stopping that flow by going vertical under the stars. Even the birds outside my window are not ready to start singing this morning --- i can sense them squinting out of one barely opened little eye wondering what their mzungu is doing up so early.
So i make a cup of java (coffee), and thankfulness whispers Jenn's name to me, she's the friend who fills my cup with VIA. I pour the warm “good morning” in my beautiful cup, and thankfulness whispers Maggie and Ray to me, they sent me the cup for mother's day last year. I sit down to read from those much wiser than me, and thankfulness whispers Byrdie's name to me, she gave me the devotional book 14 years ago. And i wrap a soft, green blanket round my chilled self as thankfulness whispers my sister-in-love's name to me, Ann gave me the blanket many Christmas's ago. (or was it my mother-in-love, Mary, ah, they've both been so good to me...)
I pick up my Bible, i bought it from Angie at Heavenly Dove, she engraved my name on the front. Thankfulness brings tears as i run my fingers over the bronze lettering, and i sit my cup beside my journal, Denise made sure i had a special journal.
Oh Lord, is it possible to be overwhelmed with too much good?...?...?

You see when the sun rises just a few short hours from now i will make biscuits and gravy for my faithful husband and my healthy last-born-son. And i'm almost paralyzed with thankfulness that i GET to make breakfast for them. Just days ago, 147 college students were murdered, no one gets to make breakfast for them this morning ---- i will not be morose in my thoughts, but i will not overlook the GIFT of getting to sit at a table with him this morning. (God help the parents who...)
...and... may i never, ever again overlook the smallest of gifts ---- i have a table to sit at, a chair under me, food will fill the table, and a fork will be in my hand. I'm spoiled beyond reason because i'll have another cup of coffee and a napkin will wipe my lips...
Oh Lord, there are too many who will have NONE of the things listed in my last gush of words.
I'll do the part i can to bless their lives ----- but first i'll control my heart and head to be grateful. Nothing good comes on it's own. Nothing good is free.
Everything good comes from Your hand Abba. Everything good has been paid for by s-o-m-e-o-n-e. The secular world would say, “Yea, your friends and family pay for what you enjoy...” But my heart cries out meekly, “It was Jesus who first paid ALL, and now HE let's His goodness flow through them, and i'm stunned at the doubling flow of it all...”

My first waking thoughts (about 2 hours ago), were of my parents.
That's common for me, i think of them and the many i love when my eyes first open.
I'll get to see them again in about 36 hours. Oh my heart...

(...and my fingers can not resist the sharing that comes below --- my parent's usually want their goodness kept private, but today mom and dad, i simply must share of it...)

Last week my first-born-son had a wreck. It was a rainy day on an unfamiliar road. He looked down at his GPS for just a second to get clarity on his next turn. The car in front of him stopped abruptly... Mike did not stop as quickly... airbags deployed, scrapes came, metal bent wrong, sirens screamed.
Three cars were involved ----- no one was seriously injured. Thankfulness brings tears again even as i type.
Mike was the only one scraped up a bit, but no hospital was needed.
Police were gracious as they did their job --- Oh GOD, thank you for good police officers – there are so many who are good.
Mike's first phone call ------ was to his Papa and Nana.
My parents.
And while Nana prayed, Papa went straight to him.
Straight to him... prayers... presence... the gift of “you---are---not----alone” flooded 'round my son.
Mike texted us, we called him immediately.
We could not be there ---- but we were not needed to be there ---- God had other plans ---- and they were/are good.
What followed was beautiful. Papa and Mike together attended to the necessaries that follow a wreck, and then made their way home to Nana.
Mike's words later filled the air with such goodness when he said, “Mom, i was feeling so down over the mess of it all, but when i saw Papa's face and when i walked in their house, i felt so much love. And while Nana doted over my small scrapes, i wondered if they both knew how thankful i was for them.”
Nana and Papa have a mission field of their own --- right there on Castleberry Road in Cumming, Georgia. It's about loving well and leaving a legacy to their kids and grandkids and any who come near them.
It's about showing love to others --- HIS love flowing through them.
That is THE mission field.
His sister, Maggie, came by to check on him. Sisters care.
Then my sister, Kathy, came by to double check everything. She texted to reassure me his injuries were minor and all was well.
Two more on THE mission field...

Later that night i ached over not being able to be there, struggled over not getting to be a part of the love-flow-in-person. Worried over the thought that my parents were doing what i felt i should be doing ---- taking care of and supporting my son... ya' know the accuser of our souls isn't going to let it pass by without trying to wound.
So i prayed --- thankfulness ---- and then asked for my Father to tend to the lies of the accuser.
And His words flowed into my heart ---
“my little donna, you do worry too much sometimes. And while I tell you and all my children not to worry, I also understand that in this world there will be troubles that can make you worry and bring you down... on your way down, come all the way down to your knees, I'll meet you right there, and cover you with my Grace. You know... my Grace is sufficient, it's enough, it's what is needed, and it defeats the lies of worry, if you'll let it, it's what I want. Listen to me daughter... I, God, have placed you where you are. You are to obey Me and serve ME in the place I put you. The accuser is a liar... you are wise to always remember that he lies each time he opens his cracked-evil-crusted lips. You are not a bad mother and your parents are not being over-taxed as they care for your son. Don't forget ---- he is their grandson, their blood is in his veins, and they are even now doing MY good work in the place I have put their feet. They are my servants, they are well-suited to serve ME in this beautiful way. What they are doing for Michael is pleasing to Me, and I, GOD, will bless them for letting my love flow through them. So donna, don't let “self” get in the way here. You do what I've called you to do each and every day ---- and you let others do what I've called them to do. Today, Mike didn't “need” y-o-u. Today, Mike needed ME, God. And I WILL CHOOSE who I use to flow through today, tomorrow, and the day after that. You, momma-to-Mike, are not “needed” ---- I, God, AM NEEDED. Always remember that donna ----- never forget. No one needs “you”, everyone NEEDS ME. And I will be found ministering to those who call on Me, sometimes through parents, sometimes through grandparents, sometimes through aunts or uncles or sisters or brothers or strangers. But always --- always ---- always ---- it will be ME choreographing my love flow. So donna, don't get discouraged when I ask you to flow in one direction but you'd rather get to flow in another. I know what is best. I promise, I always work to do what is best for My children. And one last very important point to remember daughter ---- if you had been there, then Mike would have missed something very important today. He would have missed the tripled portions of love he felt flowing through his grandparents, his sister, his aunt... you see, if you had been there donna, you would have stepped in and taken care of things --- and the single love flow would have seemed like enough. But that's not how I do things donna. I'm the One who gives generously ---- in double portions. Today I called on your parents to work for Me, I also called on you to work for Me, but in another place. Don't doubt Me, don't question My plans, I am God, I am to be obeyed and trusted and revered and honored.
Thank ME for your good parents.
Thank ME for the protection that surrounded Mike.
Thank your parents for loving ME enough to do my good work ---- right there at home.
It's part of their mission field.
Not yours...
And -------- I cover all.”

And peace... comes... down.

“Hebrews 10:38, The just shall live by faith...”

When I can not enjoy the faith of assurance, I live by the faith of adherence. (Matthew Henry)

...and then i find myself back on the solid ground of gratitude.
Gratitude that many are called to do God's good work, and many are busy at it. It's weak emotions to bemoan where we serve --- faith calls us to fly above the fowler's snare, his snares can too easily capture us if we fly too low. Faith says, trust God, obey Him.

The sun is beginning to peek through the acacia trees now. The birds are waking and singing. I'll finish packing, walk to the lake, and thank the One who is gracious enough to let us go home for a visit. 

...and i'll hug that son and daughter long, and thank my parents for much...

©2015 donnataylor-ReachingfortheRobe

1 comment:

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